Guided in my efforts

Howdy everyone!

Today, Sunday that is, I reflected on some of the things I did in the past to strengthen my testimony of the Savior and His atonement, cause here's a pre-Mission truth: You'll gain a testimony of Satan. For real.

Things just have been crazy this past week, in a rather bad way. I was so busy with school for about the last month or so and all of a sudden I hit this "assignment gap" that is somewhere hidden in each of my semesters in college so far. All of a sudden there is NOTHING left to do, and once this happens my overall motivation to do anything just collapses. I have no idea how to prevent it and under normal circumstances it takes me a couple weeks to reboot to normalcy (let's hope that moving back to Utah doesn't count as normal circumstances). I've made mistakes this past week in particular. I've had a hard time getting up early, a hard time reading my scriptures, a hard time praying and I just felt like I had hit a wall with everything I am supposed to do as a preparing Missionary.

So after that slow week, Friday rolled around, which means I get to see this friend of my grandma. She is super nice and talkative and also really interested in the Church. I'll call her Tina for the sake of protecting her identity. Well, so Tina had been trying to come to Church with me all summer but she always had other things pop up that prevented her from coming. So this week she said that she would be there unless she gets really, really sick. It felt great to get her to go to Church again because she told me how much she felt the Spirit last time. So I told the Sister Missionaries in my ward, asked one of them to sit by us, and guess what...Tina didn't show. I have not the slightest idea about what happened but I can tell you, by the time the Aaronic Priesthood holders blessed the Sacrament I was really freaking out about it. It was just disappointing to know how ready Tina is for the Gospel and how receptive she is to the Spirit...and yet see her struggle so much with keeping self-implied commitments. I guess that's just Heavenly Father's way of showing me what I need to prepare for when I'm really out there serving, but I still think that being bummed about that was the right thing. To an extent, at least.

Anyways, as the tray with the bread was passed around I just felt like I needed to do something to bring the Spirit back into my heart because by then I had pretty much lost it. So I just pulled out my scriptures and started reading D&C Section 6 from the beginning. Let me mention that I just love pretty much everything about that section! It might be my favorite chaper in the entire canon. Anyways, a verse that I had never really given much consideration to hit me right in the face:

22: Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

That also happened to be the very moment when one of the Deacons offered me the bread. And peace overcame me all of a sudden, from one moment of being upset to the next moment being completely calm and reassured in my faith! That was such a powerful experience, I can't even put it into words. 

If you're a Missionary, you've usually been an active member of the Church for quite a while (I'm one of the shorties with less than two years underneath my belt) and we tend to forget too easily about how this very first firm testimony felt like when we received it. I still had a very powerful memory about what I felt after I knelt down one night pleading with my Father in Heaven about the truth of all these things, but in my daily life and also in a normal Church setting I forget so easily! Now I think I know why God sent me in the way of an endless crowd of people who always wanted to hear my conversion story (first and foremost Brother Stringham from Institute who asked for it literally each week...). What a powerful reminder this has been for me!! :) It was just exactly what I needed to read and I know that me opening my scriptures during the Sacrament was inspired, as well as my choice of that chapter. Let me tell you...It was the first time I've ever done that!

I just love this Gospel and I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father! They are both so great!! :) And I can't wait to share all this with those I'll teach on my Mission :) 

Love you guys! :D

-- Pascal